|| My Thoughts And Imaginations ||

updates

to make your day

Friday, November 30, 2007

I couldnt sleep yestaerdae... Not becoz im worried bout boys or anithin... Im just frustrated... Oh ya. And tat post about me hating 'HER', i dun hate her, i just hate wad shes becum. And if shes smart enough to noe tat its about her im tokin out then im glad becoz let me tell u sumtin, ill nvr tell her tat shes changed. ILL NEVER. N if she is smart to take a hint frm me, then i hope tat she'll do sumtin bout it. If she doesn't, then its not my prob becoz i'll nvr stop hatin the 'new' her. Shes nt the same animore... Ya i noe i kept sayin over n over again bt i couldnt help it. She not the frien i used to noe animore... Bt i dun tink she'll even care since she has her stupid boyfriens to keep her company... Wad kind of a frien throws u aside when she doesnt need you but comes licking ur boots wen shes heartbroken, in need of help?? I noe tat if im her frien, i should juz accept her the way she is bt i cnt do tat animore!! Ive been lying, covering up for her for like wad? For months n i cnt keep doin tat!!! Im sick! Im sick im sick!!!

I kept bleeding
I kept sheddin tears
But you were too occupied to see
You said tat I was important
And I believed you
But wad do I see now?
You're stepping me
You're lying to me
You treat me as if I was ur toy
When you need me, you played with me
But when you don't, you throw me aside
You made me feel small
You made me feel as if I was an alien
I noe I'm ugly
I noe boys don't like me as much as they like you
But why must you rub everything in my face
Friends don't do tat, do they?
You tell me
Wad does friend mean to you?
Wait, tell me
What does BESTFRIEND mean to you?
I always catched you when you fall
I lend you a shoulder when you cry
I lend you my ears when you needed someone to complain to
But where were you when I fell?
Where were you when I needed a shoulder to cry on?
Where were you when I bled to the ground...
You were never there for me ever since you've change
You've become one of them...
I thought you told me you despise THEM
You told me you ~~hate~~ THEM
You promised me that you'll never change but what happened to that promise...
I don't trust you anymore...
I'm sorry...
I just don't ~~trust~~ you anymore...

Es wird gesagt und getan
9:48 PM

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Im realli bored. I dun noe y. I kept thinkin bout things but i dun even noe wad im thinking about. I mean im like havin mixed emotions. It sux you noe. I noe im not perfect but y does she have to ruin everything. Y is she makin up excuses o make me feel bad. I mean its only a temporary thing and shes like makin a big deal of it. How things wouldnt be as plan lh. I mean shes not even makin an effort to do anitin so y should i be the idiot hu waits for someone hu doesnt even make an effort to do anitin?? It sux. Im here workin my ass off trying to make my dreams come true but wad does she do?? She bz wif her other stupid stuff tat im even tired to mention becoz i meantion it all the time for heaven's sake!! Urghhhh!! Its alwaes like tis! Evrytime something good happens to me, she will alwaes be there to ruin everythin!!! She makes my life a livin hell n she makes excuses so that ppl would think tat im makin HER life like a livin hell!!! I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!

Es wird gesagt und getan
10:38 PM

Hahaz. I dun noe why bt I keep havin weird dreams. I remember I dreamt bout somethin yesterdae bt I just couldnt recall wad i dreamt about. The onli thing I remembered was that I woke up wif a big smile on my face. Weird huh? I realli wonder wad I dreamt about... Hahaz. So I finally completed the Chapter Four song bt I just need to perfect it. I need to like palm mute properly and get the duet right. I mean ya I can play bt there were some parts that I heard and u must slide the frets or sumthing like that. Hahaz. Need lots of patience sia.

So I started on another fan-fic yesterday n its about bill. Only done with the first chapter bt still thinkin of ideas for the 2nd chapter. Kinda fun. Finally, my hands up for more writtin. Just need some time for the poetry writting. Coulnd't tink of what to write.... Hahaz. Klah i tink tats all I wanna say. Cnt think of more things to write though.... Hahaz. Currently updating on my Frank story and I may start on the Gerard story I left like 6 months ago.. Hahaz. Im crazy about writting haz...

Es wird gesagt und getan
3:14 PM

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Hahaz. I'm still tinkin bout the power ranger dream tat i had n i had another weird dream like at 3am in the mornin. I was like in tis rugby team n like its a mix team (girl+boy) bt the funny thing is tat all of us were botak as in our heads were shiny, really shiny bt there were some patches of hair still nt cut off. Its looks weird bt i hav to say, i look ok wen im botak. Finally, i noe wad i look like wen i botak! N i cnt wait to see my dad cum back frm haji, BOTAK!!!! Never see him botak b4 so im lookin forward to it.

OK so yesterdae i spent my butts off until 1am tryin to play tis song by avenge sevenfold tat Ramadhan recommended me n its.... HARD!!!!! I mean ya, if u wana be a good guitar player must be persistent bt its realli realli hard compared to the other songs tat i noe hw to play... Nvm. Must not give up!!! I wanna be like Ray, Frank n Tom!!!! Their guitar skills are freakin mad!!! Hahaz... So let me list the songs tat i cn play...

1) Demolition Lover-MCR/Started @ Dec '06
2) Desert Song-MCR/Started @ Jan '07
3) Helena-MCR/Started @ Jan '07 bt still need improvement
4) Reden-Tokio Hotel/Started @ Oct '07
5) Durch Den Monsun-TH/Started @ Oct '07
6) Monsoon-TH/Started @ Oct '07
7) Rette Mich-TH/Started @ Nov '07
8) Don't Jump-TH/Started @ Nov '07 bt still learning
8) Chapter Four-A7X/ Started like last week bt still suck at it

So lil songs rite?? I totally suck man. N i agree wif tat statement. Hahaz. Must practice so cn get better!!

OK so a lil somethin from me... It's called 'But it's sad you see'. N the German is not tat rite anywae bt wad the heck! I wanna learn German!!

Ich sitze hier alleine.
Starring am Boden.
Aus meinem Schlafzimmerfenster heraus.
Wie ich anstarre.
Der Mond und die Sterne schrien mit mir.
Wie knifes unten kamen und mich schlugen.
Wie ich das Ende der Zeit warte.

Wie ich auf mein Bett lege.
Und Versuche zum sich zu erinnern.
Die Gedächtnisse so süß.
Dass wir zusammen geteilt hatten.
Aber was zurückkam.
Waren die dunklen Anblicke so.
Das riped mein Herz, meine Seele, meine Würde in Stücke.

Du hattest eine Wahrscheinlichkeit, mich zu speichern.
Und mich von dieser Welt wieder beleben.
Aber anstatt verrietest du mich.
Und mich gelassen zum zu leiden.
Du überließest mir Blutung.
Du überließest meinem Herzen Zufuhr auf sich.
Du ließest mich, um zu sterben.

Ich dachte für einmal.
Dass du kommen konntest.
Und mein diretion ändern.
Meine Gedanken oben erleichtern und mein Leben erhellen.
Aber es ist traurig, dass du siehst.

Wenn ich diese Welt lasse.
An mich bitte nicht sich erinnern.
Wenn ich in meine Blutlache lege.
Weg von mir bitte bleiben.
Aber wenn ich zurückkomme, den nächtlichen Himmel zu frequentieren, bitte,
Vorbereitet sein zu sterben…

Translate to english

I am sitting here alone.
Starring at the ground.
Out of my bedroom window.
As I stare.
The moon and stars cried with me.
As knifes came down and hit me.
As I wait for the end of time.

As I lay on my bed.
And tries to remember.
The memories so sweet.
That we'd shared together.
But what came back.
Were visions so dark.
That riped my heart, my soul, my dignity into pieces.

You had a chance to save me.
And revive me from this world.
But instead you betrayed me.
And left me to suffer.
You left me to bleed.
You left my heart to feed on itself.
You left me to die.

I thought for once.
That you might come.
And change my diretion.
Lighten up my thoughts and brighten my life.
But it's sad you see.

When I leave this world.
Please don't remember me.
When I lay in my pool of blood.
Please stay away from me.
But when I come back to haunt the night sky,
Please,
Be prepared to die...

I hope you like it!!

Es wird gesagt und getan
2:30 PM

Monday, November 26, 2007

Realli thought bout wad i posted yesterdae... I realli thought deep into it bt it keeps scarring me deeper... Mayb if i just forget tat incident n mayb i could continue wif my life n be happy. Find some1 new n continue being happy bt it's nt easy evrytime i try it. Evrytime i try, i wil tink bout wad will hapen... Will the history of past repeat itself? I mean its possible.

Ok so lets stop tokin bout tis thing. So i has tis vry weird dream... I dreamt tat i was.... A RED POWER RANGER!!!! Bt the plot is quite sad n weird. Sometimes I'm in the red power ranger's body n sometimes i'm like watchin a tv like i cn see the red ranger in action. So there's also tis blue n green ranger n their like 2 eurasian guys tat i've nvr seen b4 in my life... So theres tis one part where the blue n green ranger became my enemies n then like they captured me n all of a sudden, the dream was as if im watchin a tv show...

So like they capture the red ranger n the blue ranger was bout to like hit the red rangers appendix (y hit the appendix? The girl just had an operation at tat part) n he started capitalisin on tat part until the part wen the green ranger held he down n the blue ranger took a knife n like slowly cut the girl's skin open n the girl was like begging not to cut it open then she started cryin nt becoz she's like in pain bt her own bestfriends turned their backs on her n wen the blue ranger saw her tears, he couldnt bear to do it so he just like left wif the green ranger. Mayb i should do a story bout tis n like make it nice bt the story realli touched me in a way... Im lucky tat i din feel the pain bt i did wake up after my bro like kick my stomach while he was sleepin... n it still hurts... Haiya.....

Es wird gesagt und getan
10:00 PM

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Im just confuse... Im just sooo confuse in so many ways... First him, then her, then me bt its mostly him and me... Y m i likin him back?? His my past. I promise myself I would nvr come close to likin him again bt all of a sudden, the feelins tat i had for him unburied themselves from the depths of my past n nw the feelin tat i had for him grews stronger evry single day. Some of my friens suggested tat mayb i was in love wif him bt tat couldnt be possible... could it? I mean im only a teenager n fallin in love is like impossible at this age!!! Even if i AM in love, it's only fake love. It's not real. It's not gonna last me forever. Haiz... Wad should I do... I'm sooo confused tat all I wan to do is... I dun noe wad i wanna do.... All i do is sigh n kept thinkin bout him... GET OVER HIM SYAFIQAH!!!!!! HIS UR FUCKING PAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE HATES YOU BCOZ U WERE A JERK TOWARDS HIM!!!! U LIED TO HIM!!!!!!! HE HATES U!!!!!! GET TAT TO UR HEAD U DAMN WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!

Its so... complicated... Just the thought of him hatin me kills me inside... I dun realli noe whether he hates me bt i just noe tat he hates me after wad i did to him... I betrayed his trust... I lied to him... He trusted me in evryway bt i took advantage of tat trust n now im regrettin evry single thing tat i did to hurt him in any way... Mayb if i din do all tat shit to him in the past, mayb we would still be like old times...

I dun noe wad to do......

Es wird gesagt und getan
11:32 AM

Saturday, November 24, 2007

I juz realize tat im nt the onli one hurt by her actions, her lies, her betrayel... I realize tat there is a person hu felt the same way... She betrayed me, lied to me, backstabbed me and i always thought tat i was the onli wan hu felt anger, sadness, regert, guiltiness brewin inside me... Bt i was wrong. He felt the same too. I din noe tat she could be such a saddist to him and even to me. I tot we had sumtin special bt im slapped in the face evrytime im wif her bt i nvr do anitin bout it. I jus kept cumin back to her n i get slapped in the face many many many times by her words, her actions bt i did nothing... Absolutely ~~nothing~~... I cherished her like my own family, my own sister... I tink tats y i din dare to do anitin to hurt her in any way... Am i wrong to do tat? Ppl say to me tat she doesnt deserve me becoz she treats me like this bt in my heart, i dun deserve her. She has something special tat makes evryone love her. She perfect... Im nt... I dun deserve her in any way... I dun realli care if she backstabbs me all the time bt i dun ppl hu cares bout her being hurt and stepped on by her. It hurts me to noe tat the ppl hu cared bout her was stab right in the front by her... Im juz...

Es wird gesagt und getan
2:41 PM

Friday, November 23, 2007

I cnt stop thinkin. Day by day i'm fallin into the trap. The trap tat HE made. I wonder wads gonna becum of me... im sooo confused....

Es wird gesagt und getan
11:49 PM

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Hahaz. kae. im gonna type like soooooo long.... Gt camp blah blah blah, food nice blah blha blah, went to east coast park blah blah n found out Ezzat broke his hand. Hope he gets well soon, sprained my wrist blah blah blah.

So like my cuz sleep at my hous n its like fun lor. Then we like tok until 3am yesterdae n was woken up by our mum coz she ask us to buy rice cooker at NTUC Fairprice. She lah, cook everything wif the rice cooker lor. Then the thing spoil so must buy.

Kae, so i found tis video of tokio hotel and the song is '1000 meere'. IT SOOOOOO NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the video effects was cool. I like it soooo much. So im gona put the video and song here lor.... HAHAZ... Sooo coool. The train on water lh, this lh, tat lh, aiya, juz watch the vid!!!! COOOOOLLLLL!!!!!

Aiya... dunno wad to write oredi lor bt i luv bill and gerard and frank sooooooooooooo much!!!!!

JUz dun forget to stop the music b4 lookin at the video!!!! ITS GREAT!!!!!

Es wird gesagt und getan
3:00 PM

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

OK. so on monday, tuesday and wednesday i went to camp. i tot itll be like sooooo boring bt it turned out to be great!!! On mondae we came, played games ( I din coz i was like helping out angela's group and chean pis's group for the games bt it was fun!!), then had dinner (Bee hun, fried hotdog, chicken wings, mango drink), then we bath, then we had night activities (organized by Melina) and the night activities was kinda scary coz we had to go to classrooms to look for the numbers and we cannot on the lights, then we went to sleep. We din actualli go to sleep though, we tok tok tok until 2.30 then i went to sleep wif sharon then at 3am, they disturb us so we wake up and sleep again.

Then on tuesdae, something unlucky happened..... i fell and sprained my left wrist... Unlucky huh... Bt that was the end. Then we went to west coast park and i fell AGAIN and hurt my oredi injured left wrist AGAIN!!!!!! Then like on wednesdae, i wake up and my left wrist was like soo swollen lor!!!! Now i cnt realli move the thing bt i cn move a lil bit bt ill be in pain. and i cnt carry stuff properly with my left hand....

hahaz. maybe i update again later. i wanna try play my guitar. i dun care lh if pain coz I WANNA PLAY!!!!!

PS. being Voldermolt was fun!!! I wanna do tat stupid advertisment again!!!!!

Es wird gesagt und getan
2:20 PM

Sunday, November 18, 2007

She realli makes me sick to my stomach.... Evry single day of my life ive slowly started to hate her and the hatred grew stronger evry single day. She tink shes all tat. Yaya, boys like her, shes pretty, shes smart bt tat doesnt mean tat she could step on my face and made me feel small. I hate her. I realli do. But evry time i meet her, i couldnt tell hw much i hate her to her face. We shared sweet memories bt i dun care bout the sweet memories animore. All thats in me are her lies, her betrayel, hw she turned her back on me and her broken promises... It makes me sick to the stomach. I mean, she treats me as if im her slave. She keeps asking me to do evrything for her. I mean, do i look like a slave to her???
And evrytime we meet, we dun tok bout the stuff tat we used to tok bout. All she toks bout is boys, boys and more boys. Doesn't she get tired of it? She says im her frien bt the way she treats me is like slapping me rite in the face sayin 'im juz using u becoz ur a shitty asshole tats easy to take advantage of.' It hurts me evrytime bt wad does she care. All she cares bout is her stupid hair, stupid school friens, stupid boys and her stupid desperate self who couldnt say NO to any guy who ask her for stead. What a freakishly desperate slut! I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, enough of me being an ass for complaining, the complaining was like 2 hours ago...
So i found tis clip of Tokio Hotel performing at EMA awards bt sadly i coulnt find MCR's performance. I mean there is bt their like recorded from the ppl at the EMA n the quality sux. Aniwae, im extremely happy n high nw becoz of MCR n TH sooo enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(Dun forget to stop the song above to watch any of the videos so tat cn watch the videos with peace)

Hahaz. the video used to be here bt now no longer available!!! Urggghhhh!!!! SOOOO MAD!!!!

Es wird gesagt und getan
12:13 PM

Friday, November 16, 2007

Haiz... I tink im addicted to this thing oredi... Haha. Im also addicted to updating twice a day.... Hahaz
I still cnt get over the bill performing at star search! It's soooo hillarious!

So i finally got the hang of playin 'rette mich' on my guitar and it's painful. My fingers are sore and i could barely touch a thing without feelin any pain. Theres like also a deep line in my 2nd and 4th finger. it realli looks cacat. Hahaz! Uh.... No idea on what to post coz the whole day i did the same thing over and over again which is play the song on my guitar, and except for going outside and chat with ma neighbour... Hahaz.... Dh lh. Better stop obsessing with this blog... It's driving me cwaaaazzzzzyyyy!!!! Hahaz! I LUV BILL AND GERARD AND FRANK BUT TODAE I LUV BILLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Es wird gesagt und getan
7:56 PM

Omg! I just found this clip of Bill when he was 13 and he was at a star search competition and he sang 'It's raining men'!!!! It's sooo cute! You should see it! Even though his dancing is kinda fucked up but it looked cute! You should realli see it lor! It's like the cutest thing ive ever seen! No wonder im in love with bill kaulitz! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! Hahaz!! Cute, handsome, fucked up dancer who looks like a gay named Bill Kaulitz!!!! I LOVE BILL KAULITZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Es wird gesagt und getan
2:09 PM

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Walau... Tried to play Rette Mich since just now and its soooo hard. I saw sum ppl playin in at youtube and it seem soo easy but when i tried it myself, its vry difficult. I cn get the verse but i just suck at the chorus. I mean your fingers must be fast to reach the note and for me, my fingers actualli suck. im better at chords than at pluckings. I just suck when it cums to this kind of tabs. But the song is nice. I tried to play 'Spring Nicht' but onli manage to get the intro so i decided to play 'Rette Mich' instead. It's easier but not that easy. Haiz... So stress.... So Im kinda happy coz on monday, therell be a choir camp frm mondae to wednesdae! And on wednesdae, kak nadhirah is cumin to sleep at my house. kinda cool coz she has this electric guitar. Ive been askin my dad for one since like this year but he say wait wait wait. i think ill wait.

Es wird gesagt und getan
4:30 PM

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Yay!!! I'm soo happy that my blog is finally complete! It took me one long day and i tink im satisfied with it. My favourite song 'spring nicth' is up, the layout is nice, everythings in place! Im soo happy! But my necks a little sore though coz i keep staring at the computer...

So just now the results for sec three streaming was out and i got in the last class which is 3E5 but i dun realli mind. I din get the other classes coz i failed my maths by 2 marks but im happy though coz i dun hav A maths. Im kinda sad that me and my friends are seperated becoz of this streaming but at least theres diana and kaixin in my class. Theres also mardia and her classmates from 2E3 too. I wonder what will happen next year.... Haiz... Im gonna miss the old days with atikah, syuhadah, faiziyyah, irfaniah and diana.... so much sweet memories of us together and i cant bear to let them go... Well, im not gonna let them go. Im gonna keep them close to me.

I also cnt stop listening to 'spring nicth'! Its sooo sad. Its sung by tokio hotel! My favourite band besides my chemical romance. The lead singer, Bill is hot and not to mention talented! I luv him so with gerard and frank!! hahaz! Klah. Better go. Its nearly midnite.

The moon and stars watch with eyes that are as empty as mirrors
But they could see the darkness that surrounds them
Day by day the darkness clouds thicken
Till none of their rays could shine pass through it
But a pac that was made kept the moon and stars stronger than ever
And now with the power of the pac
The darkness was nowhere in sight
All thats left are memories of friendship
That's how powerful friendship is....

Es wird gesagt und getan
11:46 PM

Okay... I'm still freaking new at this and i'm getting a serious headache. But i hav to thank my trisyia 4 the help. I din noe blogging was soooo hard. Dun mind the unfinished work of my blog... It sux but im gonna try to make it nice. onli need some songs etc. haiz..... finally, new computer! Tat means i can play the internet without going to the CC. Tat also means more current bills to be paid so ive decided to play like twice or thrice a week to save electricity. Hahaz. Im setting rules for myself but i dun think im gonna follow any. Haiz... Walau. Realli like noob sia.... I dun noe how ppl cn get through tis blog thing....Anywae, i gotta go. My mums nagging n i tink im gonna be deaf soon....

Es wird gesagt und getan
5:15 PM