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Friday, January 18, 2008

Ive been tinkin. Irfaniah (Constipated Bro! Ich liebe Dich!) commented on my tagboard tat mayb I some how knew tat I mite be with Bill bt izzit possible? I mean, ya, it's kind of weird thinking but what I mean is that... I don't... I heard of people who say that they can feel something that's undescribeble wen they're wif someone, or see someone who's meant to be with them without them knowing that that particular guy/girl is their soulmate but I dun really believed that theory bt maybe it's possible but it can't be right? I mean how can I say that one day, I'm gona end up with Bill? That total BULLSHIT in my POV (sori constipated) bt there's a part of my mind that says that maybe it's possible but nah... I dun tink it is. Bill's too good for me. He deserves better than me. But I dun noe... Gosh.. The confusion is startin again... I dun noe i dun noe i dun noe!!!!! I juz wanna like live freely without worries bt WHY MUST THERE BE CHALLENGES!!!!! Haiz... I dun noe n its like i dun noe 10 times ive said 'I dun noe'... and I just dont fucking noe!!!! Why is my life sooo complicated rite now? Izzit the hormones?? NEIN It kann be. I mean hormones doesnt have to do with what you feel deep within ur soul. Its just something that controls ur emotion but not the feelings thats buried underneath the heart. Gosh... Its soooo frustratin!!!!! Can I like just scream?? Wait... I can but I cant because I just dont feel like screamin. It's been a while since Ive cried. Its been a while since I screamed my lungs out frustrated and I dun noe why but Im just like tat now.... I cn see that Ive change alot but is that change good? I dun noe. I tink im a bad friend, i tink im bossy, i tink im selfish i dun noe!!!! I must be the worst human being around and i cnt even be certain bout my own fucking feelins!!! AAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHH!!! Arshloe!!!! Du Arshloe!!! Its just soooo wrong but yet its... I DUN FUCKING NOE!!!!!!!!

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6:34 PM