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Syafiqah/Syafiqueh
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Fruende Bleiben
Fur Immer

Liebes
Atikah Batrisyia Batrisyia Dyra Ezabel Faiziyyah Fana HuiYun Irfaniah IzyanSyahida Maggie Mardiah Nadira NaurahIzyan Saiful Suchi Syuhadah

4E5 '09
4E5 '09 Afifah Anira Beatrice Brenda Diyana Emellene Eunice Huiwen JingYi KaiXin Limin Luqman Priscilla TeikWei

Not Forgotten :)
SitiSyahidah

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Music


the past
that haunts

||2007|| ||2008|| ||2009||


and the credits
go to...
Layout & Coding (c) Milla
Content (c) Syafiqah9622
Steal and DIE. Simple as that.

updates
to make your day
Sunday, August 31, 2008

I'm bored... REALLY bored...

Finally went to the library After how many months... and borrowed 4 books and I finished reading 3 of them :) I miss my Syafiqah Bookworm :) The story is nice. I almost cried while reading the last book coz Simon died and Jenna was like begging him not to go. I can picture it in my mind :) She's the Daughter of Destiny :)

Now I malas to read the last book coz it doesn't look interesting... Haha.

Walau, I miss Maggie.... Haha. Really!! I MISS MY GIANT NIPPLE!!!

Haha. Currently getting some songs. Hehe.

Haiz... Currently working on my one-shot story and it's not as easy as I had imagined it to be. I kept changing the plot and guess what?? I have a backup plot!! just in case the story not nice :)

Kk. Haha.

Hmmm... I thought alot about what I wanted last time. Haha.

I remembered all thos desires...

The lip piercing :)
The Boy :)
The Popularity :)
The looks :)
The eye-catcher :)

All those stupid desires are not in me anymore becoz I'm happy with what I am and who I wanna be :)

I just wanna be happy, care-free and ME.

I admit.

I'm going to be direct here. I don't care if I hurt anyone's feelings. I don't care if I'm being insensitive now becoz I'm lying to myself and I'm sick of doing that.

I have not been me. I admit that about 98% of the time, I'm not myself because I'm always making sure that I put everyone else that I love before me, trying to help them and trying my best to not hurt their feelings.

I wanna thank Faiziyyah for making that stupid game up becoz now I know that I'm in despair.

I got to chat with my darker side and it made sense.

I mean, I'm stupid aren't I?

I keep saying sorry even if it wasn't my fault and it hit me a long time ago when I said SORRY to Faiziyyah but there was this voice that kept telling me...

Why are you saying Sorry to her? You didn't hurt her. She hurt you so why are you saying Sorry? Why are you being weak? Why do you always let others take you for granted? You wanna know why she didn't say sorry? It's because she knows that you'll say sorry instead. You are stupid and arrogant. You always wanted to be the friend that everyone dreamt of but it is worth to be the friend and lose yourself?

I ignored that voice until last Friday.

I didn't want to take the MRT nor did I want to atke 178 or 66 becoz I wanted to be alone.

I'm angry, I'm sad and I'm in denial.

Well, Faiziyyah will never understand because she never understands me. Let me stress on the word NEVER.

And I know she, wait nein, I know you will be angry when you see this but as I say, this blog is mine and I pour everything out here.

You once told me that you wanted me to be direct to you so I did. I changed my ways and became direct to you. Even when I tease you, I was being direct. Isn't that what you wanted from me? A direct answer straight from my mouth instead of talking around the bush? I change for you and you didn't notice that becoz you were caught up with your own wants, needs, problem etc.

And now I'm being called INSENSITIVE.

I don't know what you want from me. I became direct and now I'm the insensitive BITCH.

Guess what?

I'm glad we went out last Friday becoz now, I can curse all I want and will not have to see all of your faces for 1 week.

And when you see me after one week of break, I'm not going to be that nice Syafiqah.

I'm sick of not being able to be myself because I must take care of other people's feelings.

Did anyone cared when they hurt MY feelings? No.

They only ones who seems to really care is Irfaniah becoz you want to know why? She can read me like an open book and I thank her for that. Diana too coz she sits and listens to my problems.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm burdening them with all my complains and problems and I don't know how to say that I'm sorry for pulling them into my pool of sorrows so now I wanna apologise to the both of you if I had burden you in anyway.

If everything I'm being is wrong, then I guess the best thing for me is to be ignorant.

I'm not going to care, I'm not going to comment about anything and I'm not going to give a fuck about what is going to happen to the Bladders Workforce becoz you wanna know something rite now?

I feel so fucked up that I want to leave the workforce and live on my own.

Bt I didn't coz you know why, I care about all my Bladders but you wouldn't notice that anyway becoz I'm an insentive bitch who always picks on you, tease you blah blah blah shit shit shit cow cow cow pig pig pig and it goes on...

Whatever. This is my goodbye fucked up life at school for one week :) Tata :)

Es wird gesagt und getan
2:33 PM