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SitiSyahidah

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the past
that haunts

||2007|| ||2008|| ||2009||


and the credits
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Layout & Coding (c) Milla
Content (c) Syafiqah9622
Steal and DIE. Simple as that.

updates
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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I sat down down on my bed as I thought through the fifteen years of my life. Much has happened and I've never felt so down and out.

The things around were my friends now. They are accompanying me now. If only they would talk back to me when I talk to them because it sure is getting lonely in this dark and cold room.

I lost many friends and I gained amazing ones from what I had experience.

Diana, Irafniah, Brintha, Tom and many more.

I smiled at the thoughts of my friends as Brompton Cocktail started playing from my phone.

I've never been more thankful to Allah for the friends that he'd given me but I don't feel complete.

There's a big hole in this jigsaw puzzle that I call my heart. A very big one. Someone's missing and I miss her alot.

I met her eyes today and smiled at her. She smiled back but no words were exchanged between us.

Yes, we're friends but not like last time. There was an empty cloud stuck in between us and I don't know how to make that cloudy path go away. I want to laugh and smile knowing that she'll do the same.

"Maybe it'll take time." I whispered to myself as I laid back against the bed frame.

Yes. Maybe it will but how long?

------------------------------------------------------------------

Another hour had passed as I stared at my red notebook. My hand was resisting but my heart was telling me to go get it.

I didn't want to but I have to.

Why was I so stupid? I let idiotic words get trap in my head.

I will write... But not now. No. Not now.

It still hurts...

It does...

"Maybe it takes time..."

-------------------------------------------------------------

Why don't you believe me?

I never trusted that sentence. I never did trusted anyone that said that to me.

I looked up at the ceiling as I stared at it, trying to convince myself that white was an interesting colour.

"Why don't you believe me?" I said, as I tilted my head to the right.

"Why won't you believe me?" I asked as I hugged my pillow tighter

I turned to my side and laughed to myself.

"That's easy. It's because there's a word LIE in it." I chuckled before slowly letting my eyelids close.

Why won't you believe me?

That's easy.

Because there's the word lie in it...

Out of time...
Doc, I'm dying, I'm feeling compromised
and so dehumanized
I lost my final fight to disease, I feel that this is where it ends
I need that shot to enter my vein
My Brompton Cocktail blend

'Cause I can't feel my face
I won't struggle on
In a world so cold
In a world so wrong

I'm not running away, been fighting this so long
Such a price that we pay, we gotta be so strong
in a lie...

I'm tired, induced euphoria
to help me move along
I wanna meet my maker in peace, I want to feel alive again
So put that smile back on my face and mix it strong my friend

'Cause I can't feel my face
I won't struggle on
In a world so cold
In a world so wrong

I'm not running away, been fighting this so long
Such a price that we pay, we gotta be so strong
And I take my life tonight 'cause I have the right to die how I wanna
and leave how I arrived, so alive

I believe my sins have been forgiven
and I believe my choice will save me from this life
please don't question why
my sins have been forgotten
I believe I'll find peace in afterlife
please don't question why

I left this way

'Cause I can't feel my face
I won't struggle on
In a world so cold
In a world so wrong

I'm not running away, been fighting this so long (so long)
Such a price that we pay, we gotta be so strong
And I take my life tonight 'cause I have the right to die how I wanna
and leave how I arrived, so alive

Es wird gesagt und getan
4:13 PM