|| My Thoughts And Imaginations ||

updates

to make your day

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Hahaz. Anoder day of nt goin to skool. Nt so happi coz Im missing alot of subs. Hahaz. So tried recording a vid of myself playin 'Rette Mich' and 'Monsoon' bt alwaes got mistakes wen I play then I gave up. Then rite, I tried playin it again, bt tis time I nvr record myself playin and the shit is... I play gt no mistakes!!! Go ass rite?? Hahaz. Mayb Im just not ready to record myself play yet.

Hahaz. Nutin to write about today ah... Hahaz. I miss u guys lots at skool. At home gt no one to gurau wif!! And Kak Nat, remeber the time I told u bout the german band Blind? Hahaz. The song is actually called 'Breakaway'. Just lyk Tokio Hotel right? From German, four ppl and gt same song tittle which is 'Breakaway'. Only that Blind is more to Goth rock and Tokio Hotel is a Mixed genre. Hahaz. Nt really obsess bout the Blind band but listening to them is nice. Hahaz. So here's the vid.

Izzit me? Or the lead singer is hot?? Hahaz. Wads with me and my obsession with lead singers?? First Gerard, then Bill and now tis guy. Hahaz. Tired to find the name ah. But I still love Bill. Realli2 love Bill!! Hahaz. But the song nice. It gives me motivation for my story. Hahaz. Mayb I'll realli write. Wish me luck!

Kk. Im soooo gonna post lots of vids of Tokio HOtel since I found lots of it!! Kak Nat!! I hope u like it darl!!

This is a video of Bill and his beloved plane, Jumbie. His actions soooo cute!! No wonder I love him sooo much!!

To Kak Nat, this is especially for u, ur beloved Tom Kaulitz!! He funny lh. Later u watch closely, lots of funny faces and funny actions. I watch I laugh. Sooo cute!!

A clip from Dvd:Zimmer 483. The startin oredi sooo funny. Should see what Bill's doin at the startin and the rest is just wow!! Especially Bill with no make-up!!! He looks so pure and handsome!! Hahaz. N I soo want the Adidas jacket that he's wearing!!!

Another clip from the DVD. I like the part where Tom got angry becoz he used the toilet and there was no towel and/or toilet paper and he was like 'Shit shit!' What kind of a place doesnt have a towel or tissue paper?' Then he try to wipe on the couch bt Geog or sumone else was like 'You'll only make it dirtier' and Tom was like 'Shit!' sommore. Gail!!

A video bout the bond that The Kaulitz twins share. I admire their love for each other. How much they care for one another. How much they mean to one another and it'll be nice for me to have that some day but... My brothers are like shit... Hahaz. But for the brothers at skool and my cuzies, I love u brothers!!! We are brothers under the sun!! Did I mention the twins are really hot and cute?? Oh ya, I did, Like a million times!!

A funny clip of Tokio Hotel. Vry funny especially the Bill scream part!! Sooo cute!! I salute the maker of this video! This idea is soo original and it's a classic!

A vid of... BILL IRRITATING KAULITZ!!!! WEEE!!!!!!

A vid of Bill and Tom birthday! Gail!

Hahaaz. I tink that's all.... FOR NOW!!! IM SOOOO COMING BACK AND POSTIN MORE!!!!!! IM IN LOVE WITH BILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last but not least, a vid for Bill (even though I din make it). Hahaz. Thx Bill for all the times u've cheered me up thorugh me lookin at ur pics or videos!! I thank god for borning u in this world!!

Es wird gesagt und getan
3:34 PM

Monday, January 28, 2008

Hahaz. Currently down with stomach upset, food poisoning and fever. So the shyty rite. I went to school and went back home @ 8.30+ am. Then lyk soooo ass lh. My body sooo pain. Gt no energy to type lor bt I forcin myself to type coz my beloved Constipated did sumtin soooo sweet for me to cheer up my day!! Thx alot bro!! Hahaz. Gosh. Im worried ah. Im not cumin to school oso tomorrow and im so scared ill miss maths lesson. I dun wan to fall behind sia. Hahaz. Klh. OH ya. Tokio Hotel won the 'International Band of the Year' at the NRJ awards at France and the Rockbjörnen Award Show in Sweden!! Gail rite! Im so proud of them! They're my idols! Hahaz. Kk. Dunno wad to write animore. Bt I putting vid of Tokio Hotel playin 1000 meere at NRJ awards (It's lyk so a playback) and If u wan to see the soooo cute Tokio Hotel (Especially BIll) that constipated made, u cn go here http://www.slide.com/r/i64U0rx_7T_vr1ypTmUX7cFrTO9m4qli?view=original

Sooo GAILLLLLLL!!!!!!! Thx alot constipated bladder! N i think I wanna try play 'Leb Die Sekunde' and I wanna work on my '1000 Meere'. I found out that the tabs that I've been playin for '1000 Meere' is the chords and I saw Tom play and it was power chords and all that shit. So I wanna try learnin the power chords. Hahaz. KK lh. Enjoy!!

Es wird gesagt und getan
10:01 PM

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Ive been thinking alot lately and yesterday, I finally spoke my mind. I told some of my friends tat mayb it was best for me and them to not be friens at tis point of time. Im just not right rite now. Im seriously lost. I dun noe wad I wanna do and Im just... I dun noe. To the ones tat I told u tat we shouldnt be friens for now yesterdae, I have no intentions of leaving u guys. Its just tat I dun tink tat wad we hav rite now will work out. Ive been thinking bout wads happenin and I noe Ive made the right choice. Mayb after all my soul searchin, theres a possibility tat mayb u and I wouldnt be friends or the bestest of friens bt I hope u respect wad Im doin becoz of all the things that Ive done, I think that tis is the right choice that Ive made. A choice that will benefit u and itll benefit me. Im realli sorry bt tats life rite. Ppl just come and go. I dun noe wads happenin to me bt I noe tat its not gona be easy to solve the puzzle tat Im facin rite now. I noe tat theres gona be sacrifices and Im willin to make tat sacrifices. Im happy for the times tat we've had but theres always a reason behind wad Im doin. Im just... I dun noe. I feel down and I dun wan to hate anybody becoz I just dun. Im sorry but u have to move on.

And to all my beloved friens, thx for supportin me wen I fell and all the encouraging words to cheer me up at the tagboard or at school. I realli appreciate it. I was laughing a bit wen I saw ur comments becoz theyre soo cute. Thx alot. Ich liebe u guys aite!

Es wird gesagt und getan
8:50 PM

Friday, January 25, 2008

Currently singing to 'Cassie'. Hahaz. Sounded better bt still need improvement. Hahaz. Been watchin Tokio Hotel vids since like wad? 3pm? Hahaz. Fun ah watch them. Like so cool. N I get goosebumps everytime I see Bill. He's soo cheerful! N cute! Especially bout die plane und all tat. Realli cool. Und I saw Bill und Tom fight (verbally) und it was cute! They were like cursing each other und Bill suddenly say 'You sick Bastard!' zu Tom und I was like OMG! Hahaz. Cool. Und Tom called Bill a shitty idiot. Hahaz. Cute ah. Wished I had a twin just like in my story. Ooooppppssss. Secret let out. Hahaz. Mazelina hast a twin named Natalia. Und Natalia's gonna appear in the later part of die story. Hahaz. Kak Nad mesti sukekn! Hahaz. Hope you enjoyin ur time at school. So gail lh u learn bout all die IT stuff at ITE!!
Hahaz. So actually I was in no mood at the beginning but thank god Tokio Hotel was there zu save me!! All because of that bitch lh... Spoil my mood onli. Fine fine. Show off all u wan... I dun care becoz I've vergessene bout you oredi. I'm sick of u oredi. Ive gt no time zu take all tat crap frm u animore. U have UR life und I'm sure that u dun wan me to bother since u threw me aside wen u found ur "beloved boyfriend". Tat sux doesn't it?? (Und Diana, tis is not bout u) Fine! U wan it tis way then fine! I'll leave u. I hope u notice my attitude change towards u becoz I'm pretty sure it's quite obvious tat I'm not wad I'm use to be wen I'm around u. I dun care wadeva u say. Say I'm a bitch, a slut, a backstabber, a liar, a betrayer, a copycat becoz I copied ur writtins und all tat shit. Guess wad? Ich dun freakin give a FUCK becoz 4 ur info, I started writtin on my own accord und waaaaaaaayyyyy before u started und the way I write is totally diff frm urs so is tat called copying?? Hahaz. U must be the stupidest person alive!!! I dun even write like u so y r u makin such a big deal tat I started copying u wen I saw ur writtins?? Hahaz. Let me be like Bill. You are a "Sick Bastard" who only cares about ur own self and u tink tat ur friens revolve around u just becoz boys like u better than me und ur other friens. Reality check, the boys onli wan u becoz they noe that ur stupid enough to give them ur virginity. Am I right? Like DUUUUHHH!!! I'm sick of u... Realli realli extremely sick und thx 4 ruining my mood again... I guess tat tis was wad our friendship meant from the start. I was the stupid idiot hu tot tat somehow u were the perfect frien for anione until I was killed by you like a million times bt I still was the dumb one who came back und now, after being killed for like an infinity times, I finally realised that wad my friens said was rite.
I usually said that mayb I was not good enough for u. Mayb u deserved someone better. Mayb I'm just anoder human being to you und I really believed that statement und I tried my best. I put my heart und soul to wad we had and sometimes, tat bond crashed and burnt bt I still persevered to keep it alive und it got harder und harder everytime until there was a point of time tat I was down, realli down. I was drowning, gasping for air, hoping tat u would be the one to save me bt all this time, wen I was in need of ur hand, u were nt there becoz u had found someone else. N I hate tat person becoz he took u away from me. Bt I guess I was wrong to hate him becoz u were the one tat killed me, not him. You chose to leave me. He din force u to leave me. You chose to killed me my dear. You killed me n nw I'm not fooled by u animore. Boast all u want about the boys that asked you for steads. I dun care tat boys dun asked me for stead becoz Im not interested in any of them. Im not desperate to find a boyfriend becoz I noe tat it wouldn't last. Look at you as an example, did any of ur relationships last? Sadly... None and I cn bet tat the one ur havin rite nw will end soon. So I just wanna good luck and goodbye becoz I dun tink I wan to see ur face evr again...

Hahaz. Ok ok. So tat was my down mood. But seriously, u mess with me now, I'll kill u in a way that doesn't involve real killin.

OK so here's anoder poem for the story.

Lust let me astray
My story left me at bay
Betrayal was present from the start
How I never knew that she would somehow find out...

Then..
Cold hard stares
Stabbed me at the dawn of day
It was filled with hatred and sadness
I guess that was the price of pain that I had to pay...

OK. Hope u enjoyed that one and I still love the 'Rette Mich Live'! N I finally cn play it properly. I guess I'm better at chords then at plucking. Wanna noe y? Its becoz out of all 15-17 songs than I play, only one song (Rette Mich) is plucking, a few songs (Monsoon, Durch Den Monsun, Heilig, 1000 Meeres, Spring Nicht and sum other songs coz I cnt remember) had parts wif has pluckins bt a few onli and the rest is all strumming. Hahaz. So I guess tats y im better at chords then at pluckings. Hahz. Kk. Must watch the Rette Mich Live again! SOOOO GAILL!!! Hahaz.

Es wird gesagt und getan
5:44 PM

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Todae nvr go skool. Gt migraine and my whole body cram seh. In the mornin I wake up then my head throbbing and my body like gt big stone sit sia. Then my mum ask whether I cn wake up, then I say I cnt. Then nvr go doctor coz still have the medicine from last month. Walau, like realli pain sia.

So currenlt tokin to artika. Gosh miss her lots ah! Like so happy that she tokin to me rite nw! Angeline... um... long oredi lose cntact. Sad sia. Bt nvm ah. At least gt artika and adan to tok to at MSN.

So I finally can make out some parts of Ich Bin Nich' Ich. Finally! I'm learning song by ear n its quite hard bt at least im training my ears. N I finally cn play Spring Nicht properly. Cool seh. All thx to this guy at youtube. I saw him play and I follow slowly. Now I cn play n I cnt stop playin it. Hahaz. So now I dun noe wad to say animore... Kk, maybe I post anoder one of my poems that I made yesterdae during maths class I tink.

For the days that I've waited
It's finally here
Facing the end
Hoping that dying wasn't the choice to fear
The stars were long gone
For I'd wish that somehow you were there with me
But destiny was harsh
Now I know that we're not meant to be together
I didn't mean to feel it
It just came and caught me off guard
Now I'm not afraid to say I love you
Because that's what it is from the start...

Hahaz. Hope you like. The idea came to me when I was thinking of new parts for my Th story. Hahaz. Maybe should use it for my story. Klh. I think tats all. Kk. Nw I leave you with a live performance by Tokio Hotel playin 'Rette Mich'. It's realli beautiful. Enjoy. Did I mention the accoustic guiat that Tom is using looks like the one that I currently have?? Cool rite!! Now I'm more determine to play 'Rette Mich' the younger version properly and learn how to play 'Rette Mich' the older version. Wish me luck!!

Es wird gesagt und getan
9:31 PM

Monday, January 21, 2008

Wow. Day by day rite, my body like losing energy to do anything sia. The dark circles around my eyes getting darker, my body getting more and more disfuctional. Hahaz. Penat seh... Bt nevertheless, I get to meet my friends so I'm happy.
OK so during the weekend, nothing much to do coz gt lots of activities with my family. Cnt even sit peacefully in front of the com or play my guitar peacefully. But manage to write a song though. But its done during my free time with my hp.

I was looking at a photo of me and you
Of when I was 3
The dark past flooded back
But none could vanish the pain I have in me
Why'd you have to go...

Mom I miss you
But none of the cries can bring you back tonight
Mom I need you
I'm sorry for the tears you had to cry
Mom I love you...
Why'd you have to go...

The stars lost its light
For I wish to take back all that I've said
The river flowed leading to the end
All my hopes seemed to have fade
Why'd you have to go...

Mom I miss you
But none of the cries can bring you back tonight
Mom I need you
I'm sorry for all the tears you had to cry
Mom I love you...
I swear...

He broke you down
He made you drown
Making you blind
Till there's no sound
A bullet through your soul...
Mom I swear!

Mom I miss you
But none of the tears can bring you back tonight
Mom I need you
I'm sorry for the tears you had to cry
Mom I love you...
Why'd you have to go away...
And leave me here in silence...
That's why
Mom I'll avenge you
I'll make you smile in the dark tonight
Mom I'll kill him for you
I'll make him scream till there's nothing left...
Nothing left...
In him..
I swear...
I swear...
Mom...
I swear to you...

Hahaz. Ok. I tink tats it . Yup. I know what tune I wan in my head but I just need to play in on my guitar. I gt the idea but just need to make the idea happen. Hahaz. Wow. This sure is hard. Hahaz. Nvm. Must perservere!

Currently toking to Constipated bt dun noe why she quiet all of a sudde. Agaknye die nampak Pokai abe die tercengang eh?? Hahaz. Jk jk.

haiz... I guess Brenda is not that bad after all. I talked to her just now and we found out more about each other. Hahaz. Cool. Anoder frien!!! OH ya, before I forget.

To my Dearest friends/cuzins/people that I love
I just wanna say that you people are the best things that God has ever given to me, besides my family, and I really appreciate the times that we've shared. I'm sorry if I've hurt you guys in any way and I'm deeply sorry if that pain that I've caused you scarred your hearts. It's nice to have friends as days goes by because you people gave me the strenght I need to get on with everyday life. I'm greatful for that.

P.s Not in any particular order ok so dun angry if ur name appeared last or sumtin. I love you guys aite!

Atikah
Thanks for being my twin since Sec 1 n I'm happy that we are like the stupids ones wen it cums to making stupid faces (nt to forget Irfaniah) and you are like the most decent girl I've ever met in my whole entire life. Thx 4 being there for me aite BRA-ther!!!

Irfaniah
Hahaz. Constipated BRA-her! I would have never known you personally if it wasn't for Jeefu! Hahaz. Thx for all the laughs and jokes and funny, nak terberak face, hahaz and all that wonderful shit that you've shared with me! Thx for being my BRA-ther aite!!!

Faiziyyah
OI!! Minah stress!! Hahaz. Dun stress aite. Kalau kau stress later I oso stress. Hahaz. Even though we had our cat fight in Sec 1, I think that incident brought us closer right. Hahaz. Ur jokes a a little lame, ok nt little bt sumtimes alot, but tat wad makes you unique!! Ur lame jokes are funny you know so don't be afraid to spread the jokes around cause tats what you're good at! You're smart so don't stress too much bout life aite. Just live life freely aite!!

Syuhadah
Hahaz. The obsess girl who's like really obsess bout studies n running. Hahaz. Jokin jokin but it's true rite?? Hahaz. Thx for the Cik Leh times! It's really fun and the whole 2 years of being in the same class, nothing more but laugh laugh laugh n its really fun!!! Hahaz. Hope you're happy aite! I love you!

Diana
PRINCESS!!! Thx 4 the sweet memories of us together in Sec 1 and 2. It was fun!! Your unique because you noe what you want and you'll try you best to get it and that's wad I like bout you! Hahaz. I wish I was more brave like you!

Adinda
PUTERRRIII!!!! Hahaz. The shakespeare of the group. Your really cool you know because your accent when you talk is awesome man!!! I mean woman!!! Or girl!! Or half woman half girl!! Hahaz. Don't take the joke too hard aite! N ur drwings rocks man!!! I noe that in the future, I'll be lookin at ur art works which is being hanged up at museums evrywhere in Singapore and around the world!!

Meril
Thx for all the memories! The years has been fun! The crazyness was crazy and I have no idea what I wanna say... um... OH!!! YOu draw like shit man!! N i meant that in a good way! Hahaz. Should send ur drawings for competitions lor. Tat way they cn like noe ur drawing skills. hahaz

Kak Nad
Kak Nat!!! Hahaz. Ich liebe Dich Bestfruende!!! Thx for introducing me to Tokio Hotel two years before I actually loved them! Hahaz. If it wasn't for you, I think rite now, I'll still be like "Huh? Who's Tokio Hotel?" Hahaz. You're like soooo best ah!! Espcially wen u at my house, I crazy like hell! Hahaz. The g-string! Its cool! How did we talked about it anyway?? hahaz. NIwaes, Your the best!!

Saiful
Hahaz. The funny cousin of mine! You very fun to be with lah!!! So funny!!! N soo smart summore!! (eh, 250 hor) Hahaz. N I like the way you think. Especially bout the Albert Einstein thing. Its really interesting. Maybe in the future, I'll see you like in the newspaper like "Saifullah, scientist, made history by unlocking the secrets of the world : The strong theory etc." Hahaz. Wow! I'll be soooo proud!!

Batrisyia
Hahaz. The younger sis of the future Albert Einstein! U hor, dun tink bout boys at such a young age. Take this advise from me. Unless you really sure tat tat guy is going to be ur husband, dun let ANY guy take you for granted. Study and achieve your dreams aite and whatever happens, I'll be right behind you to support you and catch you when you fall!

Priya!!!
PRIYA!!!! FRANK!! I dun noe if you are reading this but if you are then I just wan you to know that you're the best thing that has ever happened to me! Your my Frank! Weeeee!!! hahaz. I love you aite n I really miss you lyk crazy! Hahaz. Hope your well over there! N I really wan our friendship to last! Hahaz. I'll love you always!! N thx for your shoulder, ur ear of when I cried and/or complaint! hahaz. I misss you!! I love you Frank!!

Hahaz. I think that's all rite? If I missed any names, I wanna say sorry coz Im havin flu rute now n my brain not fuctioning properly but I love you guys who had shared your tears and joy with me aite! I think I wanna update my story. Hahaz. So long nvr update!

Es wird gesagt und getan
10:00 PM

Friday, January 18, 2008

Ive been tinkin. Irfaniah (Constipated Bro! Ich liebe Dich!) commented on my tagboard tat mayb I some how knew tat I mite be with Bill bt izzit possible? I mean, ya, it's kind of weird thinking but what I mean is that... I don't... I heard of people who say that they can feel something that's undescribeble wen they're wif someone, or see someone who's meant to be with them without them knowing that that particular guy/girl is their soulmate but I dun really believed that theory bt maybe it's possible but it can't be right? I mean how can I say that one day, I'm gona end up with Bill? That total BULLSHIT in my POV (sori constipated) bt there's a part of my mind that says that maybe it's possible but nah... I dun tink it is. Bill's too good for me. He deserves better than me. But I dun noe... Gosh.. The confusion is startin again... I dun noe i dun noe i dun noe!!!!! I juz wanna like live freely without worries bt WHY MUST THERE BE CHALLENGES!!!!! Haiz... I dun noe n its like i dun noe 10 times ive said 'I dun noe'... and I just dont fucking noe!!!! Why is my life sooo complicated rite now? Izzit the hormones?? NEIN It kann be. I mean hormones doesnt have to do with what you feel deep within ur soul. Its just something that controls ur emotion but not the feelings thats buried underneath the heart. Gosh... Its soooo frustratin!!!!! Can I like just scream?? Wait... I can but I cant because I just dont feel like screamin. It's been a while since Ive cried. Its been a while since I screamed my lungs out frustrated and I dun noe why but Im just like tat now.... I cn see that Ive change alot but is that change good? I dun noe. I tink im a bad friend, i tink im bossy, i tink im selfish i dun noe!!!! I must be the worst human being around and i cnt even be certain bout my own fucking feelins!!! AAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHH!!! Arshloe!!!! Du Arshloe!!! Its just soooo wrong but yet its... I DUN FUCKING NOE!!!!!!!!

Es wird gesagt und getan
6:34 PM

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Hahaz. I just saw this anti-Tokio Hotel video and its called Tokio Motel. Its funny on how the people make fun of Tokio Hotel. I dun mean to say that I'm on their side but common. Their so lame. They're just jealous that Tokio Hotel is famous and they're so bored with their lame lives, hence, they make fun of other peoples lifes who are not as lame as theirs. Hahaz. They are just retards looking for attention. Hahaz. N the Bill is played by a girl and it's weird. It's all about Bill. Nothing much about the rest. Hahaz. Still can't stop laughing because of their lameness. Ok ok so I'm kinda worried coz the physics homework that must be done in the internet haven done yet coz the web portal got something wrong. I din received the email to activate the account. Hence, I couldn't do it. Notin much happen today except that we have 2 hours of free period and we like havoc like that. Funny and Fun.

So I was thinking. Maybe I should try play Final Day. I mean , I've learnt like 13-15 of Th's songs and I still think it's not enough especially wen I see this guy named Sebastian plays guitar like damn good and I'm so determine to play just like him. So cool sia. He can play Ich Bin Nich' Ich and I saw the tabs and my jaw dropped. I mean its easy but my jaw really dropped when I tried to play it. Funny sia. But I tink better learn Final Day first.

So now I leave you with a video of TH having a photoshoot and I really like the part 01:19 till the end wen Bill kinda screamed and its like faint and airy and the way they played with each other like brothers with the mud. Alah, the whole video best lah!!!! Ich liebe dich Bill und Tom und Gustav und George und some other people. Hahaz. Niwaes, enjoy aite.

P.S I finally managed to watch and record Monsoon on MTV!!!! Sooooo Gail!!! Hahaz. I wasn't expecting to see that Video and it came out so I was shock. So I guess that the rumour 'If you dun expect it, it will come but if you keep waiting and searching for it, it'll never appear'. Hahaz. So believe in that theory now. Hahaz. I love TH!!!! Hahaz. Enjoy the vid!

Es wird gesagt und getan
10:16 PM

Monday, January 14, 2008

Ever felt like your world suddenly stop spinning and everything juz seemed wrong in a way? Well, mine have and Im feeling really weird. I kept thinking and thinking and worriying but the truth behind all this is... wad the fuck am I thinking and worried about? Realli, for the past few days, it's been like this and I couldn't sleep well n I think that I'm stress but the fact is I'm NOT stress. I'm not and I can prove it. I'm NOT stress. It's just... I don't know. I feel like crying sometimes but the tears doesn't seem to flow out and I want to scream but my voice just wants to hide. Everday, I think and think. I worry and worry but wad am I thinking? What am I wondering? Like right now, I feel uncertain while typing all this shit right now and I have no fucking reason why am I feeling this fucking way and it's frustrating for me because going through everyday life without knowing what is happening to you on the inside just kills me slowly and nevertheless, painfully... It's like the list of all my complains about this crappy shit can go on but in the end, I don't know what I'm realli talking about. It's frustrating and it's getting worse by the minute. I don't feel like dying. I don't feel like commiting suicide because it is a stupid thing to do. Why waste your life with one single slit? Why waste your life with one single jump? It's fucking unreasonable! N it sux and it just sux and I don't fucking know what to do?!? I want to talk to my friens but I know they wouldn't know what to do to help and they would probably feel bad but I don't want them to feel bad because they're not in the wrong. I know that I must solve this myself but what am I supposed to do to solve this fucking shit?? I don't even know why am I like this! How am I suppose to expect myself to solve a problem that I don't even know of? It just rips me into pieces. Maybe I'm having a meltdown and I could just collapse and die any minute but that's not it. There's just this feeling of... I don't know... It's just a feeling that lingers behind all my thoughts and as days goes by, that feeling is determine to show more of its true colors but what is its purpose?? I mean if it does shows its true colors then wad effect will it have on me?? I hate where I am right now and I hate the fact that I'm heads over heels for Bill Kaulitz. I don't want to fall in love with him because he doesn't know me and I don't know him personally. This is like soooo worse than Gerards. I only wan to adore my rockstars not fall in love with them because the chances of me meeting them are like 1:1000000000000 but I don't know why?? I see Bill, my heart just pumps like crazy and butterflys are in my stomach. Just hearing him say a word, it made me stop fuctioning. I don't want to be in this position because it's hard... It's just hard... And I don't know what the fuck to do.... Maybe I'll just wait and wait and who knows... I might figure this out but I can't help thinking... Will I be able to withstand the feeling I'm facing right now... Am I strong enough to overcome it... I don't know...

Es wird gesagt und getan
9:39 PM

Friday, January 11, 2008

Hahaz. Currently chattin wif my Bestest-Fruende, Priya a.k.a Frank. Gosh! I miss her sooooo much! Hahaz. Without her in Singapore, I couldn't sms her to complain bout all my probs or talk to her on the fone for hours or juz talk!!!! Hahaz. Cnt wait to meet her during her summer vacation at July if im not rong. Hahaz.

So school was ok, not bad, except for thurs, where I forgot to bring my maths textbook and I owned up to Mrs Chan and guess wad? I got scolded. Then the shytty thing is that gt tis one girl oso nvr bring the maths textbook then wen Mrs Chan ask her whether she gt bring, she say no then she nvr kana scolded sia.....
Wad kind of a ******* is this?? Hahaz. Niwaes, I dun blame Mrs Chan. I was in the wrong too coz I forgot to check my bag again juz in case i missed anitin.

On thurs oso rite, gt MRT delay at Boon Lay MRT station sia. U see, I went out of my hous @ 5.30 and reach the station at round 5.45 and the train gt delayed like for 1hour+ and the train finally moved at 6.45 and I was late for school, which was sooo scary coz it was the first in the 3 years of schoolin that I was late. Luckily, I explained to Miss Koe and I escaped detention. Phew...

Kay... So like notin else to write.... I tink better stop here so I cn update my story on the other blog. Nacht aite!!

Es wird gesagt und getan
9:54 PM

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Hahaz. Finally, some time alone with my computer. On monday and tuesday hectic sia. I came home kinda late coz stay at school, either eat or choir then bath then eat then do my homework and after that straight away go sleep. Like on Monday, I must stand up and go to the front coz of my hair during haircheck and in the end, I stood there for like 1 hour for like notin!!! Waste my time rite?? Hahaz. In the end, Miss Koe told me to get my hair cut so I did and at first it looked like shyte but after a while... I guess its ok though... Then I went home and did my homework and my bed was soooo messy with all the books and wen I completed the homework, I just sleep like that with the books still messily spread out on my bed.

Then on tuesday, which is yesterday, got choir then came home, bath, eat, pray, do homework and slept at.... 8.45 but still got time to sms Kak Nat my poem or song. Cnt make up my mind. Was in history class n all of a sudden, the sentence "Carrie had drowned coz she said no" and I wrote this poem or song. I dun noe whether wan to make to song coz couldnt think of anymore ideas to continue the poem.

So here's the poem and/or song

Carrie Said No

Walking down the streets
As cars passed by
Staring up the sky
Wondering why
Asking herself what happened?

Carrie was alone
Carrie was lost
Carrie had drowned
And hope was nowhere to be found
All because
Carrie said no
Carrie had said no...

Hope you like it. It's been a few weeks since I wrote poems. I've been writting stories and not poems so I was kinda shock that the poetry 'skills' (hahaz. Skills. Ya. Like real like that.) was still there. Niwaes, chiao!

Es wird gesagt und getan
5:58 PM

Friday, January 4, 2008

Hahaz. Today I came back from camp n it is soooo freakin GAIL!!!! The trainers was realli wild. Trust me. They really, wild, funny and vry sporting. Soo much better than last years trainers bt the last year's trainers was great too! Hahaz. bt kinda sad coz for that three days, handphone was wif trainers coz I surrendered it so tk hilang so no Bill n Tom for three days... So activities...

1st day
1) Backwood's cooking- we learned how to cook wen we're in the wild n we learned hw to make, jungle donut, sweet banana and orange egg. I tried the sweet banana n it was nice bt the jungle donut.... we put it on top of the fire bt nvr cook cook sia so in the end i kinda ate it a lil raw... Hahaz.
2) Rafting
3) Challenge valley- The fun part... we gt to slide down the mega slide n into the milo pond!!! Its sooo GAIL!!!! Hahaz. N i gt wet n evrybody gt wet!!

2nd day
1) Kayaking- GAIL GAIL GAIL GAIL!!!!! It's soooo awesome sia!!! Me n Brinta paddle lyk shit then we shout shout lh saying 'Paddle left! No! Right! Left!' Hahaz in it goes on. Then the trainer, trainer Nazri... Soooo hawt.... He's malay bt he's lyk a eurasian wif black hair... *sluurrp* Hahaz. Sori. Air liur meleler ah.
2) um... cnt remember... Memory shortage...
3) Challenge pole- Must be the scariest activity i've ever played... We have to go up this pole which is like 3 stories high n stand on this plank which is wobbly n i went up there with Priscilla and we're suppose to jump from that pole n grab the thing n I have to say... ITS REALLI LIKE COMMITING SUICIDE U NOE!!! Realli, i was like threatening not to cry ah then wen I reach the top of the pole, i was like 'omg! im gonna die!' But then I jump n im sure my facial expression was like shit becoz i cn feel my face forming a weird shape wen i jumped but it was fun though but i think im not gonna do it again...
4) Cnt remember...
5) First aid- Trainer Aziz very the funny! He like sooo sutun wen we did the cek koh pisang cheer. We used it though for the campfire performance.
6) Archery- Trainer Khai.... Haiz... Wow... Air liur meleler lagi... Hahaz. But realli fun. I think I wanna pick up archery skills. Mayb i'll ask my dad. It's fun. Realli realli Gail! Hahaz.

Then we got campfire n we totally rock ah during campfire!

Besides this, i gt to get to know more friens like Afifah, Diyana, Anira, Brenda, Brinta n many more lh. I guess it's not gonna be so bad after all. I'm really looking forward this year bt sooo nt looking forward for the maths test this monday... I sooo suck at maths esp algebra. Hahaz. Klah. Niwae. I think i wanna update my story now. Gt mood to update so i update. Buaiz!!

Es wird gesagt und getan
8:46 PM

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

hahaz. Wad to say wad to say. Ok so today new year so i wanna wish everyone a happy new year! Hope you enjoyed 2007 as much as I did. So new year resolutions...

1) Be more patient
2) Don't give a damn bout what she's doing because it's shit
3) Ignore the things that makes my blood go up
4) Study hard
5) Get exams results that are satisfiying
6) Find bandmates
7) Improve on my maths
8) Improve on my guitar skills
9) Save up for that $4,500 gibson guitar
10) Save up for that Red Adidas Bag
11) Save up foe that Black Adidas Jacket

I think that's all and I'm sure obsess with Adidas now. They're sooo cool n Bill likes the brand too. Hahaz. Kk. So yesterday, spent time on the com frm 9pm to 12am doing the blog for my story and updating all that shit on that blog and I ended up with sore neck, sore fingers and sore eyes. Hahaz. Tomorrow camp sia.... YEAH!!!! CAN MEET MY FRUENDES AGAIN!!!!! Hahaz. Klh. Mum nagging. Gtg. Byez! Ich liebe Bill und Tom und Gustav und Geog und Gerard und Mikey und Frank und Ray und Bob und everyone!!!

Es wird gesagt und getan
2:20 PM